Blown out of Proportion
by Bassy66
Summary: One day Axel discovers the most frightening thing in his life: AkuRoku. Just something to think about.


**One day Axel discovers the most frightening thing in his life: AkuRoku. Just something to think about.**

Axel stared at the computer. He had been looking around for fanart for some anime, when he stumbled upon a word he didn't recognize.

AkuRoku.

Curious he did a little digging.

….He regretted it when he saw a picture of himself and Roxas _kissing_.

But it got a lot worse than that. Pictures, fan fics, Pinterest, DeviantArt oh god!

That's not mentioning the….rated M stuff.

How was he supposed to face the blond. And what was this fan fic saying about Roxas having a tattoo?!

He started looking at some other images that had popped up.

….Ok. Fans. Are. Insane.

"Hello Axel. What are you researching?"

"…" The red head turned the screen and slammed his head against the desk. He stayed there for a while, trying not to think.

"…...You can tell this author is a virgin."

"Not the problem Saix."

"True. Telling your blond companion on the other hand-"

"No." Both turned to stare at the superior.

"Sir?"

"I allow the anime because number VIII, as XIII's _guardian_ , made a valid cultural argument. Using it to teach. I will not allow you to corrupt him with those vulgar things known as fan fictions. " With that Xemnas swiped the laptop. With the grace of a king he left the room.

"How did he know what I was doing?" Axel asked after a pause.

"It's Xemnas."

"Yeah that's helpful." The red head glared at him. Saix had a calm and calculative look on his face.

It wouldn't have been much different from normal if he hadn't gotten a nosebleed.

"...Ok I'll bite….what are you thinking?"

"...cat ears…"

Axel slammed his head again. Yeah, those fics had been 'interesting'.

"...whips…"

"Saix….?" Axel questioned. How many fics had the blue haired guy read? And oh god...was he talking about….?

Number VII coughed.

"Errm...I shall see you in the Gray room tomorrow. " He corridored away.

What the hell was that?

...Maybe he should check on Roxas.

While watching Crunchyroll. (#Notsponsored ).

Roxas sang along to the opening. Such a cute little kitty! He wanted a plushy.

So he popped over to eBay. Using Axel's account. Of course.

"Aww. Which one, which one….That one." Hitting the buy button the teen smiled wider.

There was a loud knock at the door.

"Roxas!"

"Oh umm. One minute Axel!" The blond hurriedly hid his laptop. He didn't want it to be confiscated. He had so little entertainment in this dreary castle.

Opening the door with a forced smile the blond looked up.

"Hey."

"...hey…"The red head looked around. It didn't look like Saix had stopped by. He turned his gaze to the blond.

Forced smile. Hands held behind his back. Right foot shifting back and forth.

Kid was hiding something.

The red head checked the usual places. Closet, bathroom (Yes. Roxas has his own.), and laundry basket.

He had to give props. The kid learned.

So where would Axel hide something at fourteen…?

Under the bed.

"Damit." The blond complained. He was sure he got away with it this time!

"I was a teenager once kiddo. I know every hiding spot."

"You mean your Somebody was one." The blond bit out as the red head read over the laptop.

"...You hacked into my account….to buy a doll?"

"A plushy! There's a difference!"

"I'm confiscating this. And the doll when it arrives. "

Roxas hung his head. Axel left the room with a huff.

After a few minutes the blond smiled.

It's a good thing Axel hadn't looked too closely at the shipping address.

The Gray room felt more dangerous than usual. Yeah Roxas was used to the odd looks he'd get from some of the other members. But it felt...different today.

He walked by Xigbar and Demyx talking.

"What Tiger no greeting today?"

"In a hurry." It was weird. Being relieved to be near Saix.

It was short lived.

"I expect you in the Hall of Empty Melodies today. Go. I shall meet you after handing out everyone else's missions." Translation: Go to the place I'm allowed to send out monsters to hurt you.

"Yes sir."

While he walked by he heard something disturbing from Xigbar.

"You think Xemnas wants him first?"

He didn't wait to hear whatever Demyx had to say behind his back. Or what that meant.

When he arrived at the Hall of Empty Melodies, the keybearer found number 1 waiting for him.

"Hello, superior." The blond bowed his head a little. Xemnas nodded in acknowledgement. The blond looked up at him. It was odd. He hadn't been alone with the man since joining the organization. Provided he wasn't forgetting something from his first week. But hey, if he couldn't remember it did it really happen?

"You have been doing a fine job, XIII." Roxas blinked.

"What?"

"As of late. Was seeing the fruit of your labor inspiring?"

"Uhh-I'm afraid I don't know what….Oh the moon...thing…" Right. There was visual evidence he was accomplishing something now. How long had it been…? Couple days. In Roxas's thinking he almost missed Xemnas's next statement.

"So like Ven. So sweet and pure." The blond whipped his head up.

It lasted only a moment, but the teen clearly saw someone else standing before him. Brown hair. Welcoming blue eyes. A smile with no hidden agenda.

But after that moment. Only Xemnas's calculated gaze met his own.

...What was…?

Knowing he wouldn't be given any answers the blond looked around.

"Where's Saix?"

"I expect you to refer to your higher ups in a more proper manner."

"Oh...um...Then where is Saix-kun?" ….Dear god. Did he really use that honorific? Eww.

The blond felt a hand on his shoulder.

"Do not ever call me that again XIII."

"Promise." The blond said. Reaching up to remove the hand from himself. The blue haired male pushed the kid forward and gave the assignment.

It wasn't hell. Just difficult. Nobodies were naturally stronger than heartless. That and they actually thought a little on their own during battle. Xemnas said that these exercises were to prepare the blond for non-ideal situations.

Saix just loved seeing the keybearer fall on his rear. Then get swarmed by the samurai.

It took a few tries before Roxas slumped in front of the elder members.

"That is enough training for today."

"Y-yes *huff* sir." Roxas drank a potion. It didn't heal everything but he did stop breathing heavily. Roxas blinked at the extended hand.

"Come along." Xemnas said. More like ordered. The blond gingerly took it. Xemnas 's hand felt incredibly strong. Which was a little odd since he just gave out orders for everyone else to carry out. Not lifting a finger. As far as Roxas knew.

Roxas tried to pull his hand away when he was on his own two feet. The silver haired man didn't say a word. Merely tugged the blond along behind him.

"Xemnas-san?" Roxas blinked in confusion. "Where are we going?"

"My office. There is something I wish to discus with you." The blond wanted to protest about being tugged along. But Saix would probably call him a whiny kid.

The office didn't have a lot in it. One wall was all windows with a good view of the heart shaped moon. For furniture there was an overly huge bed, a desk, one arm chair and a couch.

Xemnas nudged the blond toward the arm chair. Which seemed to surprise Saix.

Roxas sat uncomfortably. He had never been in here before. Part of him thought he was I trouble. But that didn't seem likely. Xemnas didn't drag people into his office after calling a mission complete to punish them.

Xemnas sat, motioning Saix to join him. After they were all settled Xemnas started by asking the blond a question.

"Roxas do you know how old you are?"

"Fourteen…"

"You look ten." Saix said.

"Eat Xaldin's cooking." It was the closest thing to a really bad swear the blond could think of.

Xemnas's chuckle made the hairs on Roxas's neck stand on end.

"You have more spirt than when I first brought you here. Which is an improvement."

"...ok….what's this about sir?"

"At your age there are some topics you might be curious about. But might seem too, ehem ,embarrassing to ask a parent."

"Axel." Roxas said. There was a stunned silence.

"He's not old enough to have a kid your age…" Saix slowly said.

"What do you mean? He's over twenty right? And old people have children." The blond could almost see the anime sweat drops from both Xemnas and Saix.

"I see there is a lot we need to cover."

Axel had no idea where Roxas was.

He wasn't in his room, the gray area, the kitchen, or the library.

Xigbar told him Roxas hadn't left the castle. So where was his little buddy?

He started checking the other members rooms. Fearing the worst.

Demyx was sleeping.

Xaldin was lifting weights.

Saix...wasn't there. Odd. It was five p.m. that sadist was always sharpening his hammer around this time.

Unless….he was with Xemnas.

With no other ideas the red head corridored.

The red head raised a fist to knock but stopped when he heard a crash.

"Ouch!"

"Roxas?"

"That hurt. But I'll be ok."

What in…

Axel slammed the door open.

Roxas was sitting on the floor, rubbing his arm. Xemnas was calmly sitting on his couch with a scowling Saix.

Ok not nearly as bad as he thought it would be.

"What's going on here?" The red head demanded.

"Your little friend still manages to trip over air." Saix said.

"Kiss Demyx!"

"Seriously superior, can we please teach him how to swear properly?" Saix asked, rubbing his temples.

"No. Number VIII, come here." Axel closed the door and did as he was told.

"We have been answering a few questions. I believe you should handle a few. Since you are his care giver." Xemnas smiled. Creepy. Axel did not like where this was going. Roxas curled up in the chair again.

"Now Roxas what were you trying to say before?" Xemnas coxed.

"...Where do kittens come from?"

….Oh god...it was phrased differently but it was still the dreaded sex question.

"Well...when you have a male cat and a female cat. And they're at the right age…" Axel tried. Roxas's innocent eyes shined up at him. Most of Axel screamed out he's too young! Five more years!

"A stork carries their kitten in a white cloth to them." Saix finished for him? Saix?

"What's a stork?" Roxas tilted his head to the side.

"A bird."

"Oh….so if I get two adult cats, then the bird will deliver the kittens?" The blond looked excided.

"….Yes…" Saix shifted a little. The blond ran past them out of the room.

"Roxas wait! Oh great. What does he think we just agreed to?"

"Owning pets…. This is not at all where I imagined this conversation going." Xemnas said.

Axel didn't ask. He went after the blond.

It took a while to track the blond down. Even longer to convince him that Saix would eat the cats. Just to upset the blond.

Which the red head actually did believe. Ever since day one for Roxas, number VII had hated his guts.

Axel was pretty sure he knew why. But how was he supposed to explain to Roxas?

They went back. Tomorrow would be another day.

"...What the hell is this?!" Roxas yelled. He thought he had snatched his own laptop from Axel's unguarded room.

Was that supposed to be him and Axel? What were they _doing_?

The blond looked through the history.

...oh...so that's how children are made…

Axel wanted kids? With him?!

Gross!

The blond took the laptop and went looking for Xion. He found her in the Gray area. They looked over the laptop together. Since they were the only ones there.

She was just as, if not more, disturbed.

"Has he done anything to you?"

"No. I think I grabbed the wrong laptop. Or he was using mine. I'm so confused!" Roxas flopped on the couch. Mentally exhausted.

"You have a tattoo?" Xion asked.

"What? No. Stop reading that thing!" The blond yelled. Xion shrugged.

"I don't know how to help you. Or what this means." The blond rolled onto his stomach. His eyes followed her finger. He couldn't make sense of it either. And frankly did not want to.

"Maybe we should leave that alone."

"I'm googleing it."

"Oh god." Roxas covered his eyes.

The silence was somehow worse that immediately getting an answer. That never came.

Roxas peeked through his fingers.

Axel stood a few feet away from the two keybearers.

Oh no.

The red head didn't need to ask anything. The blonds inability to look at him explained what happened.

Xion stared at the laptop.

"Oh." The black haired girl turned and smacked the blonds ass.

"Ow!" The blond glared at the black haired girl. "What was that for?"

"According to this, that's like saying 'That's mine'."

Roxas turned bright red.

Axel pulled the laptop away from Xion.

"This isn't what it looks like."

"You don't want to see him naked?" Xion asked the red head.

"No. I found those fan fics the other day-"

"Fan fics?" The keybearers asked in unison. Axel cringed. He could refuse to answer, like Xemnas would want. But the two of them could easily find another computer. So with a heavy sigh he started explaining the basic concept.

"So it could be for anything? Like Doctor Who or Fruits basket?" Xion asked, thrilled. Roxas still wasn't looking at Axel. It kinda felt like he was using Xion as a shield.

"Or both, depending on what you want to write."

"I don't think those are a great mix. Star Wars meets Star trek…" Xion took back the laptop and started typing away on it. Axel shrugged. That could have gone worse.

Roxas shifted uncomfortably. The red head could only guess what he might have read.

"You want to talk about it?"

"...Cock rings sound scary."

Axel blinked at that. He hadn't read one like that.

"Roxas, it's ok." Axel patted him on the back. The blond shivered.

"I-i….Xion what are you writing?"

"A list of ideas."

"Not every fic involves smut, Xion."

"Not a fic. Changed my mind."

That sounded ominous. Roxas tried to lean over to read what she had written.

She pulled it away.

"No."

"Why?"

"You'll see." She ran with the laptop.

"And I was worried about Saix." Axel murmured. Then the red head hugged the blond.

"Ax-Axel?"

"I know your still freaked out. Start talking."

"….What is wrong with people?"

"I have no idea."

 **Oh right. I do not own anything.**


End file.
